


Chinatown

by Plumetta



Category: Kung Fu: The Legend Continues, Zombieland (2009)
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-22 15:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3733249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plumetta/pseuds/Plumetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tallahassee and company are relocating and they meet an interesting Shaolin priest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any recognizable characters from Zombieland or Kung Fu The Legend Continues. No copyright infringement is intended.

“I can’t stand the rain, it’s so depressing.” Little Rock said.

“Seattle is known for coffee and rain.” Wichita said. “I’m getting a little tired of it too. Do you want to head south?

“Yeah, let’s talk to the boys.”

Tallahassee and Columbus came back with some squirrels for dinner and they all agreed a relocation was in order.

“I’m sick of squirrels.” Tallahassee said. “Also we ran into some zombies today, as much as I like killing them this place isn’t worth it unless it was zombiefree. Shall we do Cali again?

“Not LA. Wichita said. “I don’t want to kill any more actors. Next thing you know we’ll kill that guy from Cheers.”

“Ted Danson? Columbus asked.

“No, the dumb one.” Wichita said.

“Woody wasn’t dumb. Tallahassee snapped. “He was…..innocent.”

Little Rock laughed. “He was an idiot. I can’t believe you made us watch all nine seasons in two weeks.

“Hey, Little Miss Sunshine you made me watch Hannah Montana the last time we had electricity, you have no right to complain.

“Let’s try San Francisco. Columbus suggested. “We haven’t done a big city in a while. Maybe the zombies starved to death.

It took a couple of days till they reached San Francisco and as their habit they hit all the tourist places.

“I always wanted to go to Chinatown.” Columbus said. 

They grabbed a map and made their way to the largest Chinatown in America. They parked the car and were looking for something to eat when they were surprised by an old man with long flowing hair.

Tallahassee pulled out his gun. “Old-Timer, step into the sun. Let’s see your face.”

“I am not infected.” “No one in Chinatown is infected.”

Tallahassee laughed. “Why? Are you the last man standing?”

“No. We are protected.”

Wichita asked. “Protected? By the Army?”

“No. An elixir.

“You mean a cure?” Little Rock asked.

“Not a cure, a preventative.”

“A vaccine?” Columbus yelled. “You have a vaccine. Who created it? The government? World Health Organization? When will it be distributed?

The old man shook his head. “It is not what you think. Come with me, I can offer food and shelter for your family. Your questions will be answered tomorrow.

Everyone looked to Tallahassee he was the most suspicious but also had the best instincts. 

Tallahassee sighed. “I don’t go off with strangers. I’m Tallahassee, this is Columbus, Wichita and Little Rock. Who are you?

“I am Caine. I can help you.


	2. Caine Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Zombieland gang finds out a little more about Chinatown and meet the extended Caine family.

Caine brought them to an apartment building. Before he opened the door he said.

“You may not take loaded guns inside my house.”

“I’m outta here.” Tallahassee said.

Caine sighed. “My grandchildren live here. I will not allow violence to enter their home.

“We don’t shoot kids.” Columbus said. “We don’t shoot anyone that’s not a zombie.”

“I know.” Caine said. “I also know the world you live in those weapons are necessary but I give you my word your family will be safe without your guns. I will protect you.

Little Rock rolled her eyes.. “Mister, no offense but you’re like a hundred. We should be protecting you.”

Caine laughed. “I can take care of myself and I am nowhere near a hundred. Besides you do not need a gun to beat a zombie.

“It helps.” Tallahassee said.

“Yes, but……Caine started moving with amazing speed down the street. By the time the gang caught up with him he had knocked out two zombies and was fighting with a third. 

Columbus yelled. “Move away, I’ll cover you.

The third zombie fell to the ground and Caine stood in front of them. “Put down your weapons. They will be removed.

“Removed? Wichita yelled. “You need to let us blow their heads off.

“No. Caine said firmly. He clapped his hands and a truck pulled up with several bald men. Caine turned to them. “They will be unconscious until morning. Take them to the woods. They will be disoriented and will not return.

Tallahassee shook his head. “You’re going to let them live? One day they’ll eat you old man.”

“No zombie has ever returned to Chinatown after relocation.”

Little Rock pouted. “You said there were no zombies in Chinatown.” 

“No, I said no one in Chinatown was infected. That is true. These zombies followed you. There are no more zombies here. You do not need your weapons tonight. I will protect you. 

They didn’t want to be unarmed but it was getting dark and they were very hungry.

“You said you had food? Wichita asked.

Caine nodded.

Tallahassee decided. “Just for the night.” “And I want to know where my gun is at all times.

Caine nodded. “Of course. You want to protect your family. Let me introduce you to mine. He brought them back to the building and they went upstairs to the top floor. 

Caine called out. “Peter, we have guests.”

A man in his forties came to greet them. “Hello. I’m Peter Caine.

Kwai Chang introduced the visitors. “This is Tallahassee, Columbus, Wichita, and Little Rock.

A little boy giggled. “Those are cities, not names.

Peter reprimanded. “Ping Hai Lo Si Caine, your name probably sounds strange to them. “Ping is my youngest. He pointed to a teenage boy and a tween girl. That’s Paul Kwai and Laura Anne. This is my mother Annie Blaisdell and my sisters Carolyn and Kelly. What brings you to Chinatown?

Little Rock hadn’t seen anyone close to her age in years. She seemed mesmerized by the kids. 

“We move around a lot.” Wichita said. “Trying to keep ahead of the zombies.

Laura walked over to Little Rock. “Have you really seen zombies? I mean ones that are moving that aren’t knocked out by Shaolin.

“Sure. I’ve even killed some. What’s Shaolin?

Little Ping Hai was shocked. “You don’t about the Shaolin? Where do you come from?

An attractive woman with dark glasses and blonde-gray hair sighed. “Ping, it’s time for your bath.

“Grandma…

Annie nudged him out of the room.

Little Rock’s eyes widened. “Bath? As in real running water?

Caine smiled. “Yes, we have running water. Laura, take Little Rock to the bathroom off your father’s room.

After the girls left Tallahassee said. “Okay, now that the kids are gone. What the hell is Shaolin?

Caine showed the marks on his arms. “My son and I are Shaolin priests.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our Z land friends quarrel with the Caines.

Tallahassee laughed. “Priests? Great, we’ve fallen into some cult.

Peter shrugged. “Buddism is not a cult. It’s older than Christianity and Islam.

Wichita rolled her eyes. “We don’t need to be “enlightened” to survive Z land. 

“It does not hurt.” Caine said. You were all on different paths that brought you together.”

“You don’t know anything about us old man.” Wichita snapped.

“I know that each of you were afraid.”

Columbus sighed. “There are zombies everywhere. Of course we’re afraid.”

“No. You were afraid to live long before the zombies. Tallahassee was afraid to open his heart after he lost his only child. Wichita was afraid to trust and all of you live in dread fear that one day you will leave Little Rock alone.

The three of them stared at each other and Wichita yelled.

“Columbus you have a big mouth.”

“I didn’t tell this guy anything.”

“I sure as hell didn’t Tallahassee growled.

Caine sighed. “None of you betrayed any confidence. I saw you coming.”

“Saw us? Columbus asked. “Are you psychic?

“He sees things.” Peter said. “Are they the ones that are going to help us?

Caine nodded.

Tallahassee shook his head. “Wichita, get the kid. We’re out of here.

Caine frowned. “Let her enjoy a bath, a hot meal and sleeping in a clean bed tonight. We can discuss everything else later.

Wichita weakened. She really wanted a bath herself.

"One night. Tallahassee said. "One night and that's it.


End file.
